Sixteen‑year‑old Bray has been a young carer for most of his life. He lives alone with his mum, who has significant health challenges. Despite her determination to stay independent, there is much she simply can’t do alone – and that’s where Bray steps in.
Bray began caring around the age of ten. Back then, his older brothers were still at home and took on a lot of responsibility, but as the family dynamic changed, the caring role gradually became his. For him, it wasn’t a dramatic shift – it was just life. “I’ve always thrived on chaos,” he says, describing a childhood shaped by instability and noise. Now, with more calm in his life, he often finds it disorientating. “I don’t know how to function when it’s quiet,” he jokes.
His daily routine is far from typical for a teenager. He wakes, feeds and lets out their three dogs, checks on his mum – who rarely sleeps through the night – and heads off to college. On the way home, he stops to buy ingredients for tea. Evenings are a cycle of helping with medication, phone calls, household tasks and whatever else his mum might need.
The caring responsibilities have shaped every part of Bray’s teenage years, especially socially. Friends invite him to stay over or go out after college, but more often than not, he can’t. It’s not that he doesn’t want to – he simply needs to be home. He’d like to get a job, but knows he can’t leave his mum alone for long stretches, particularly while the house is being redecorated. “People don’t always understand,” he says. “It gets frustrating for them and for me.”
Yet, his relationship with his mum is incredibly close. They talk openly, rely on each other and share a bond built on trust and care. For Bray, supporting her isn’t a burden. “It’s not a chore,” he says. “It’s natural. You’re helping someone you love.”
Young carers groups have been a lifeline. Bray first came because his brothers did, but he stayed because he found community. He’s built strong friendships, some lasting years – even after friends have moved on to university. “It’s just a really nice, community‑based thing,” he says. “People here get it.”
Looking ahead, Bray hopes to move away for university – to experience independence, a new place, a new life. But the thought of leaving his mum is complicated. He wants to go, to grow, to see the world beyond Grimsby – but also worries how she’ll cope without him. It’s a dilemma many young carers face, but few talk about.
What Bray wants people to understand is simple: being a young carer isn’t something to feel sorry for. It’s part of who he is. It’s second nature. “People say they’re sorry I have to do it,” he explains. “But I’m doing it out of free will. It’s just what I’ve been raised around.”
On Young Carers Day, a little recognition goes a long way. “It’s nice,” he said. “My friends say, ‘This is your day.’”
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