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Stalking and harassment: Support and advice

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Where you can get support

  • If you or someone you know is in danger and needs help, call 999. If you can’t speak, press 55 when prompted.
  • To report an incident to police, call 101.
  • For more services, check our list of local support

Though this campaign is focused on women and girls, we recognise that anyone can be a victim of abuse and violence. Some of the information and guidance on this page is not specific and will be relevant to everyone, and you can also find specialist services at the bottom of this webpage.

Support for everyone

reported instances of violence against women and girls* in North East Lincolnshire in 2023/24

1 in 5

women are victims of stalking

of women were victims of stalking and harassment last year

*Violence against women and girls (VAWG) is an umbrella term used to cover a wide range of abuses against women and girls such as domestic abuse, sexual assault, female genital mutilation (FGM), forced marriage and harassment in work and public life.

Figures from Office of National Statistics, 2023 and Suzy Lampugh Trust.

Advice for victims

It is not your fault if you are the victim of stalking or harassment, however, there is some advice to help you feel safer:

  • Log everything and keep a record of what happens.
  • If you are able to do so safely, film the incidents. This could be with a doorbell camera or security footage.
  • Don’t keep it to yourself and make others aware of what is going on. This will help keep you safe, but also offer you a support system.
  • Try not to engage with the person who is stalking or harassing you.
  • Lock down your social media privacy settings.
  • If you ever feel like you are being followed in your car, drive to the nearest open supermarket if this is closer than a police station. They often have security at the front door, are busy with other people and have cameras in the car park.
  • Reach out to support services as soon as possible. These people are experts and will be able to help.

What is stalking and harassment?

The Suzy Lampugh Trust defines stalking as “A pattern of fixated and obsessive behaviour which is repeated, persistent, intrusive and causes fear of violence or engenders alarm and distress in the victim.”

Stalking can be spotted by remembering FOUR – stalking behaviour is often

  • Fixated
  • Obsessive
  • Unwanted
  • Repetitive

Stalking can consist of any type of behaviour such as regularly sending flowers or gifts, making unwanted or malicious communication, damaging property and physical or sexual assault.

If the behaviour is persistent and clearly unwanted, causing you fear, distress or anxiety then it is stalking and you don’t have to live with it.

Stalking can happen with or without fear of violence. This means that if you are receiving persistent unwanted contact that is causing you distress but the person has never threatened you, this is still stalking and is not acceptable.

  • Harassment may include
  • Sending abusive text messages or images
  • Posting abusive messages on social media
  • Neighbour disputes that involve abusive behaviour or damage to property
  • Repeated antisocial behaviour
  • Making unwanted or offensive phone calls
  • Bullying at school or in the workplace
  • Using the internet to harass someone
  • Sending unwanted gifts

It’s harassment if the unwanted behaviour has happened two times or more and made you feel distressed or threatened.

Protection from Harassment Act (1997) (s2) explains that: harassment causes harm or distress, putting people in fear in any reasonable situation and a fear of violence; and there will be repeated attempts of imposed communications.

Your stories

Hearing the stories of women who have experienced these situations is important to tell us where we’re going wrong, giving us ideas and helping us make sure victims are not afraid to speak up and be heard.

They have been where you might be now and have come out of the other side to be brave and inspiring survivors.

Emma’s Story

  • It seemed that everywhere I went, he wouldn’t be far behind.

Emma left her abusive relationship 5 years ago after working with Women’s Aid to get the support she needed. She believed this would be a fresh start for her, but little did she know, this would not be the end of her troubles with her ex-boyfriend.

Emma thought she was free from her abuser, but every time she went out, she would see him there. If she went for a burger in McDonald’s, he would be at the drive through. If she went shopping, she’d see him in the next aisle. It seemed that everywhere she went, he wouldn’t be far behind.

She made sure that all her locations on social media were turned off, her location sharing wasn’t active, and she even asked her mechanic to make sure there wasn’t a tracker attached to her car. She just could not figure out how he always knew where Emma was.

It wasn’t until she called her mobile phone provider who took over her phone remotely and found a hidden tracking app, that they got to the bottom of it. The app had been downloaded via an email link that was disguised to look like a parcel tracking link.

Emma had a non-molestation order, which meant that her ex couldn’t come within a certain distance of her, it aims to prevent an abuser from using or threatening physical violence, intimidating, harassing, pestering or communicating with you. Unfortunately, her ex continued to contact her in breach of the order and although he was fined over £1000 each time it still didn’t stop him.

It is only now that Emma’s ex has been threatened with further consequences that he has started to stop stalking and harassing Emma.

Emma said that she can’t settle as she’s always waiting for something to happen. She said she has a new partner now and is happy however, her new partner is worried that she will get hurt.

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Henrietta’s Story

  • My son brought home a gift – we found a tracker in it.

Henrietta only had contact with her ex-husband through her parents when their son went to visit his dad. She had divorce d him after years of abuse.

Henrietta was starting to find her feet again, enjoying her newly single life, and her son was happy.

One day her son came home from visiting his dad with a gift in hand, he said his dad had got it for him.

Over the next few weeks Henrietta’s ex-husband starting make odd remarks to her parents. Remarks about Henrietta having her hair cut shorter, or her new dress. While they weren’t rude or hurtful remarks, they were comments that unsettled her parents as they were things that he could not have known as he wasn’t allowed to see or be in any contact with Henrietta.

The only thing that was new in Henrietta’s life was the gift her son recently came home with.

After inspection, Henrietta found that a gift her son had brought home had a tracker in it. Her ex had been watching her remotely. 

Henrietta rang the police and now has more protection from her ex-husband, but this incident really shook her up. Her privacy was invaded and she felt violated.

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Jane’s Story

  • I couldn’t prove it was my ex-husband, but I knew.

Jane’s ex-husband was not able to let go when they split up. He often drove past Jane’s house at all hours of the day. She felt uncomfortable and like she couldn’t leave her house. She often rang the police.

Jane had asked for a divorce because her husband had been very controlling and abusive.

There was an instance where Jane had left her house to go shopping and left her tap leaking, she knew she had to get it fixed, but just hadn’t got round to it yet. When she returned home from doing her shopping she could no longer hear dripping from the kitchen. She realised somebody had come into her home and fixed the tap.

There was another time when Jane had run into the house because she had forgotten her purse on her way out. When she returned back to the car, her seat was not where she left it, it was pushed right back and Jane couldn’t reach the pedals. It was clear somebody had been in her car in the two minutes she had been inside.

While Jane couldn’t prove that these instances were her ex-husband, she felt it in her gut that it was him that was doing it.

Women’s Aid advised Jane that she should protect herself and her children with a non-molestation order. This meant her ex-husband couldn’t come into contact with or be anywhere near Jane or the children.

With this in place, Jane felt much safer, however with her privacy having been invaded in this way, she always felt on edge. When she told her friends about it, they said that at least he had done something nice and fixed her tap, but it was unnerving to Jane that he had been there at all.

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Tracey’s Story

  • He will just keep calling and calling until I answer.

Tracey’s husband had been controlling while they were in a relationship but she didn’t realise that when they divorced she would still be experiencing his control.

It doesn’t matter where Tracey is or what time it may be, her ex-husband will call to check up on her.

He never speaks down the phone, but wants to hear Tracey’s voice and any background noise to see where she is.

Tracey said that if she doesn’t answer for whatever reason, he will just keep calling and calling until she answers. Sometimes it’s just easier to answer.

She’s also tried blocking her ex-husband, but that doesn’t help either as he just finds another number to ring from.

Tracey felt like she couldn’t escape from her ex, even after separation. She felt like she was always being watched and couldn’t live her life. That was until she called the police.

The police helped Tracey get a non-molestation order. This meant that her ex-husband was no longer allowed to contact her.

Once the phone calls stopped, Tracey felt like she had her freedom. She could go wherever she wanted, whenever she wanted. After 40 years of control, she was finally free.

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*Please note, the images, names and stories have been altered to protect the identity of the women who told us their stories.

Get support

Please call 999 if you are in immediate danger. If you cannot speak, press 55 when prompted.

Humberside Police

Report crimes, issues or incidents.

Suzy Lampugh Trust

Help and advice for victims of stalking.

Victim Support

Free, confidential service for victims of crime.

Women’s Aid

Domestic abuse support, help and advice.

Paladin Service

Support services for victims of stalking.

Other services

Abuse and violence are never okay under any circumstances. There are specialist services who can help.

Contact details

  • Please call 999 if you are in immediate danger. If you cannot speak, press 55 when prompted.
  • For more services, check our list of local support

Related pages

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